1  It’s the per­fect fes­ti­val sea­son open­er  three (and a bit) days of music with a choice of stages and two new ones for 2016,  plus the infa­mous dance tent. And there’s plen­ty more going on besides. Tick­ets are only just over £100 and Beard­ed The­o­ry fes­ti­val is, as usu­al, on the way to sell­ing out, so don’t wait too long.


2  Mag­i­cal Sounds Dance Tent Beard­ed The­o­ry just hap­pens to have the mad­dest, most awe-inspir­ing dance tent ever, pre­sent­ing a genre-defy­ing mix of artists and DJs. Dance to its gor­geous mix of swirly glob­al trancey sounds. Admire its taste­ful Christ­mas dec­o­ra­tions. Wait in antic­i­pa­tion for the giant puppets. 


Mad Mick
Mad Mick

3  There’s a chil­dren’s area loaded with activ­i­ties, but Beard­ed The­o­ry’s piece de resis­tance is the free OFST­ED-approved school for 5–16 year-olds, which means no guilt for tak­ing your kids out of their usu­al acad­e­my of learn­ing. So, every­one gets what they need. Par­ents = bands, beer, danc­ing. Kids = school.

4  Fan­cy dress: the Pirate theme of 2015 result­ed in many a feisty, sexy buc­ca­neer with sea­far­ing swag­ger. For 2016 the theme is Stars in their Eyes... the per­fect oppor­tu­ni­ty to rein­car­nate your­self as your favourite icon, past or present. I bet­ter get prac­tic­ing my Siouxsie Sioux eye­brows. And for 2018, who knows what the team are dream­ing up.


5 Beards  Don’t expect Brown­ie points for your hip­ster faux-lum­ber­jack fluff. Beard­ed The­o­ry beards are of the proud­ly fake vari­ety (flipflops, Lego, a duck…? see pic below), so women can par­take equal­ly of the hir­sute facial fin­ery. Yes, Beard­ed The­o­ry believes in gen­der equality.

Bearded man at festival
Bird beard

6  Celeb fan­cy dress pick­er  The bum-bagged Mr Moti­va­tor was judge for 2016, where he judged the fan­cy dress con­test, host­ing a Sun­day morn­ing work­out and remind­ing us of our ever-expand­ing waist­lines. In 2015 Mr Lego was deserved­ly crowned as win­ner. John Robb did the hon­ours in 2017. 

Mr Motivator
He’s a winner!

7  The Wood­land got a well-deserved thumbs up from the BT rev­ellers, and the eye-catch­ing Wood­land Stage itself is a thing of beau­ty, carved from oak. The area is a shad­ed syl­van respite from main-are­na action, with its own bar. A musi­cal high­light for 2016 is Turin Brakes who are on tour, and will be drop­ping in to show­case their new album Lost Prop­er­ty.


8  Music, lots of it - this year the head­lin­ers are… Adele! and Coldplay!!
Not real­ly. Beard­ed The­o­ry fes­ti­val has a far more eclec­tic line­up… Corn­wall-based folkies 3 Daft Mon­keys who have been involved with BT from the start. Plus plen­ty more good­ies for your entertainment.

3 daft monkeys at Bearded Theory


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